Last night's nerd togger - a right royal bumming

Wriggly little wanker

No other word for it. And this was actually the sum total of the weekend's nerding, as mrs Biff was present the entire time and takes a dim view of the nerding lexicon (eg: 'CUNT! I make no apologies for that.'). Plus she walks in front of the screen and starts asking me things, demanding I pause the game - while still in front of the screen. We only get three pauses, woman! Each is precious and not to be wasted on why I haven't fitted the spotlight in the kitchen.
So I took my chance when she was in the bath and it was a calamity - the game, the bath seemed to produce the required results - as nerd Arsenal hammered my nerd Everton 6-0.
I actually started off well, passing the ball around nicely but never really threatening. Gradually the nerd Gunners got into the game and I committed the ULTIMATE SIN OF NERDING - I lost my temper. Once you start charging round sliding in it's all over. And so it proved here with that BASTARD Arshavin wriggling his troll features through seemingly at will. It would be no surprise to see him hopping around with a mini pitchfork defending his nerd gold, if I was zapped into the Fifaworld, Tron style. That mangled metaphor stands.
The lumbering defensive duo of Heitinga and Jerjelka couldn't get near the little shit. Him and that fucking farmer's boy Fabregas. Two quick goals made it 2-0 at half time and I considered pulling the plug but I thought if I regained my composure I could get back into it.
Within five minutes of the restart they were four up (the second of which drew the remark above) and Heitinga was sent off, to be followed shortly after by Baines. The capitulation was finished with time to spare as forkboy Arshavin added two more.