Money

Fucking ace

As one of the least whelming Everton seasons of recent years plods to a close David Moyes has been flapping his gums. 
Whatever his motives, the gist is once again what is needed to get the Toffees to the much-vaunted 'next level' - ie fourth.
Unfortunately, as Moyes says, no one is going to drive past Goodison and sling a bag of readies in at reception with a note saying "get yourself something nice" in return for nowt. 
So it doesn't really mean anything when he says: "Everton could be very close to being very good for not an awful lot of outlay. It might not be one of those clubs that needs £300million-£400million to turn it around."  
Everton might "only" need, say, £50m to make a real difference but as it stands it might as well be £500m, because it isn't going to happen. 
No one's going to "invest" in Everton because they're not going to get any money back - we're looking for someone happy to throw money away. Or as someone put it on a supporters' website: "We need a pissed up warlord who's trying to stash some blood diamond money."
As Moyes says, new money tends to come with new owners. But he's wrong when he says the ownership at Everton isn't the problem. Not necessarily because Bill Kenwright hasn't sold up, if no one's come in to buy him out there's really no argument there.
It's the way Everton is perceived which is the problem, and that comes from the top of the club. Over the last 15 years or so Everton have somehow managed to make themselves a "considering" club. 
We do well:
considering the lack of money.
The injuries
The lack of facilities at Goodison
The lack of money
The poor start to the season
Because of the injuries
Considering the small squad
Which is down the lack of money
These things get trotted out when discussing Everton as a matter of course and have become accepted. How can it be "just the way it is" for Everton to start every single season shite?
There's no witchcraft involved so what's to blame? Things don't just happen, except cause and effect. As for our strong finish to the season when there's once again fuck all to play for, does anyone really give a shit about finishing ahead of Liverpool when there are plenty of other teams who will do that too?
But you can't get away from the money issue. Everton as a club is improving commercially - you can see that all over - but there are still problems, like when they run out of ale at half time.
They only play at Goodison about once a fortnight - running out of beer is inexcusable. The place has been there for nearly 120 years, working to roughly the same timetable - you can't be surprised when a crowd shows up.

Hyped

But there are bigger problems than half-time supping at a club now just shy of £45m in debt, with player wages swallowing up 69% of turnover. One solution offered seems to be selling either Marouane Fellaini or the ludicrously over-hyped Jack Rodwell, with prices optimistically pitched at between £15m and £25m for either.
Some people say, shift one and settle some of the debt. But the problem is we're losing money every year, so this plan relies on Moyes selling quite a few Rodwells and Fellainis over the next few years, while still building a team.
Then there's the season ticket money for the next few years which the club has already spent. So how do we plug that hole? Or do we keep borrowing against it, driving up interest payments as we go?
If we sell Fellaini or Rodwell, and I'd be amazed if we don't, then there's a real danger we'll be doing it merely to stand still. And then Kenwright will have trouble because surely Moyes will walk, if he doesn't this summer. Yes, he's on a good screw but the contract chucked at Alan Pardew by Newcastle suggests there's still plenty of money in top level togger managing.
On the stadium issue - and whatever your sympathies, Kenwright has been involved in two fuck ups there - Moyes suggests redeveloping Goodison, possibly one stand at a time, but again money is the issue.
He mentions Blackburn's recent takeover and says "they have a stadium that’s already in place" as a factor in that deal. And yes they do, but compared to Goodison it's shit. There's no comparison between the two but many people won't see it that way because of their perception of Everton. 
And that is what needs to change. How? Fuck knows. We've got some good players and Moyes says “that’s maybe why we don’t need a zillionaire.” But he's wrong. Look at some of the players recently tied to long deals - Phil Jagielka (28), Mikel Arteta (29), Tim Cahill (31) - three key players on presumably big money. None of whom, if they see half of their deals out, is going to have any real sell-on value. How do we replace them?
A zillionaire is exactly what we need. Someone with the money to buy a team to compete at the very top - like what's happening at Manchester City. 
But assuming we still need to build a stadium, the danger is we're going to need a mere billionaire - or at least someone with a lot of millions - just to keep the team where we are now. 

piss take

Red light

This is the bit of road where a couple of years ago I got a fine for parking in the red zone while I nipped in the shop to buy some ice cream (Hagen Daz fancy pants stuff). Sixty bastard quid it cost me.
Not only have these coppers in their unmarked car done the same thing (except the ice cream bit) but they were rubbing it right in by having their blue and red lights flashing - you can sort of make it out on the pictures - while they were in the Chinese on Lee High Road.

Blue light

Double rubbing-in points for the parking - look at it! Right in the middle of the bay, thus negating it as a space for whoever the crap it is gets to park in red zones. I don't know if the police are allowed to park there or not but having the lights on when it did not look like they were 'attending' (below) seems a bit rum.

I've seen coppers, presumably from nearby Lewisham nick, come out of Nando's with a bag of grub, get in the van parked outside and whack the sirens on before roaring through the lights. Presumably they want to get their food back to the rest of the chaps nice and handy, and that's fair enough, but this is just taking the whatever.

"And some prawn crackers, love"

#Meateasy

Yummo!

"What's the grub like," I demanded of the woman kindly offering her chair. She looked at me, then at her fella, then back to me, and said: "You know when you have a dream and..." before tailing off in apparent delirium. The bar was set high.
And justifiably so. What was a few weeks ago London's hippest gaff (my visit means it's clearly passé), nestling on top of the former Goldsmiths Tavern in New Cross, is fantastic (if you want the back-story about the van and that, google it, lazy arse).
From the moment you walk in you can tell it's a bit good, the service is spot on and the waiting staff excellent. You get a number, get a drink, (eventually) get a table then put your order in when your number's called. It's a nifty trick to make something which, on the face of it looks fairly shambolic, run so smoothly.
But this is a slick operation - and it starts with the bar. Bottled Meantime lager, and fair play that amber stuff is nice, or cocktails. You tell them the sort of stuff you like and they knock something up. Mine, some sort of whisky sour thing with an egg in it, was ace.

I dined with a guest, it's not all mine

And so to the food. Pictured right is a bacon cheeseburger, onion rings, and a cheeseburger (chilli chips are out of shot). Taking them in order, the burgers are amazing - big and not remotely greasy, despite how they look in the pics. Really well packed so there's no collapsing like you get in some big burgers. And the taste - man alive, they're superb.
The onion rings are great too, really light and tasty. If you go, you have to have them. The chips are last - a real afterthought. I'd seen a few plates of these skinny wretches being dished up so went for the chilli-cheese option, which was - again - delicious. The chips become something for the chilli to stick to. Probably the chilli was the thing that pushed me over the edge. We ate at 8pm and I was still stuffed at 1am.

It had an egg in it! It wasn't this bright though

An interesting crowd in there, and pretty much as I'd expected. Seemed Goldsmiths-ish but the prices are not really student friendly (£7 for a burger, similar for a cocktail, £3.50 I think for a bottle of beer).
On my visit, the punters were almost exclusively white. There were a lot of thick-rimmed specs on display and, I suspect, a lot of people drifting down on the East London Line.
One lad said to his chum, whose haircut was the equal of any CBeebies presenter: "At last! New Cross is connected to the rest of London!" Ignoring the high frequency train services which take five minutes to get to London Bridge, by "the rest of London" he meant "Highbury & Islington".
Apparently they're finishing for good on 16 April, with rumours of a switch up the road to Greenwich (but that's not even on the tube! How will Dalston Ted get there?), but Lewisham council should be moving heaven and earth to keep this thing in the borough. To let something as good as this slip away would be insane (you can follow them on Twitter, @themeatwagonuk, to get the latest). Recommended.