Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Apprentice episode 6 - fuck off Alex

Recap: They're all horrible pricks with no interest in working for Sugar and just want to be on telly.
To this week, where they have to come up with a new household cleaning product which they advertise on telly and radio.
Alex sets the tone nicely by roaring: "If I was an apple pie, the apples inside would be orange."
One lot calls theirs Germ-o-nator - in a horrible red and black bottle that would fit the bill in a sex shop - and the others go for Octi-clean (something to do with octopuses). Got to admit I can't tell who's on which team here because of the way they cut between scenes. It all blends in to one long splutter.
Anyway for one lot, Fattie Corden's spastic half cousin Stuart, who has a fucking EAR RING, voices the Germ-o-nator radio ad and he isn't awful. The telly ad is stupid though - it just is.
On the same team Laura wants to make cleaning more fun - which unless you're doing it on acid can only really be achieved by getting someone else to do it. Possibly naked. She looks more like Linda Blair out of the Exorcist with every week, and when she dismisses Sandeesh's pitch as rubbish it takes all her will to not puke devil spew on them.
With the other team there's just the hint of sexual tension brewing between Scouse Vladimir Putin-alike team leader Chris and moaning gobbo Joanna, and she gets the arse when he, correctly, casts lookers in his advert. It's got to be said their telly ad - did they do a radio one? - with its 'eight hands are definitely better than two' tagline is absolute shite.
The Octi-clean pitch is a dog and it gets pelters from the marketing experts as Jamie declares a quarter of men would give up a shag if their house was a tip. Really? I've done it in sheets that doubled as a napkin when I ate YESTERDAY'S PIZZA IN BED.
In the boardroom Sugar tears both teams to shreds but the Octi-clean ad gets it both barrels. Incredibly though Sugar likes the 'eight hands...' line. The idiot! The mind that brought us the emailer! He puts that team through so it's over to the other lot with their Germ-o-nator bollocks to see who gets sacked.
They all file in being quite pally but before long it's like a scene from St Trinians only with business studies BTEC types instead of strumpets. Up for the chop are Alex, Sandeesh and the brains behind the telly ad Chris Softbollocks.
Under fire from all sides Alex splutters 'in my dayjob...' - stop right there. You're unemployed. In your 'dayjob' you struggle to find spankwire vids that you don't know off by heart.
Just a point here - does Chris wear coloured contact lenses? His eyes are a weird blue. He looks a bit like the dragon off Ivor the Engine. 
Sandeesh gets a pass so it's down to Chris and Alex and fuck me it could be either of them but of the two Alex is a splutter and useless - he knows he fucked up and the bullet's coming. First thing he's got right all day - at least he wished the other berk good luck.

Best bit: 'Tramp on chips'

Episode 5-fear-and-loathing in M17

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