Guest mystery columnist - presenting, the diary of a squad player...

Things get lively at Infernos

My mate's lad is a professional footballer, he's a smart kid - one of only two to get taken on from his academy group a couple of years ago - and is starting to make the matchday first-team squad regularly. No names of players (well there are but they're all changed) or the club concerned but they are a decent sized 'outfit', although not Premier League. He's started keeping a diary. This is his first effort:

Tuesday 23 November:
Ribbsy came in with a new watch, two grand he reckons! He's only played about 20 times for the first team and he's already lashed out on a new car - some kind of Jeep - and a 3-d telly. The watch is white and massive - to be fair, it looks the bollocks.
Sky were down to interview Ellsy. He's the one being linked with all kinds of moves to Premier League teams but I think he's shit. Good on the ball but a total fanny merchant. Maybe Arsenal will sign him.
Came last in the sprints so had to wear the shit-shirt for five-a-side. This is a shirt that's never been washed. It's horrible and I think the smell stuck with me all day. Definitely an odd pong as I walked round Waitrose.
Day off tomorrow so Ribbsy, me, Mucker, Dabbsy and Roger are off to Infernos.