Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Apprentice episode 5 - fear and loathing in M17

Get knotted
And they're off to Manchester's horrendous Trafford Centre to flog fashion clobber to the serfs of the frozen north. Over to Tim Howard lookalike Jamie who declares 'every time I go up there it's like it's two years behind London.' OOF! Take that Les Battersby! To be fair though, he's right about having to wear shoes in clubs. I imagine.
That Australian bird - Paloma - is in charge of one team, "Dambusters," or something. She'd get a cuddle off me but man she's annoying. She talks like her teeth are badly fitted and she never has a good word to say about anyone.
Her team do the business though - one woman bought a dress made out of old ties for £300! THREE HUNDRED. And it just looked like it was made out of old ties. From demob suits.
The other team, "Belligerent," is led by the equally foxy Liz, who's dressed up like a Quality Street that's been left too near the radiator. No sod buys anything off them, not even when they start waving clothes at passers-by while shouting at them like they're auditioning for Shameless.
Is it just me or are the tasks in this series getting less screen time than the culling? Anyway in the boardroom Liz declares she reckoned the spangly dresses would go down with the northern folk, cos they're so fucking simple. I'm paraphrasing. Incredibly her team wins and they all go off to the racing.
But who cares? Paloma's lot are back in the boardroom after a period of contemplation and instant coffee at that Brentwood transport cafe and you just know her and Alex, who says he reckons Paloma will be fired today, are going to be at it from the off.
Following the brief pre-wank of the rejection process it's no surprise that those two and Sandeesh are back in the boardroom. All three are useless but at least Alex stuck his neck out and made a couple of decisions on this one. Meanwhile Nick declares Alex is 'not totally irritating'. Put that on your CV, lad!
As for Sandeesh, she looks like her butt plug's got stuck but she still seems like good people and shouldn't really be in there as she did pretty well.
As it becomes clear that Paloma's in the firing line she looks like she's going to cry and lashes out at the other two. Make her cry, Alan! Make her cry!
'You've talked yourself out of this,' followed by that lordly finger is all it takes. And with that, she's gone! The villagers need fear no more!
Incidentally, Karen Brady's a good looking woman but lately on this she's been looking a bit off. Maybe it's the styling but she looks like a transexual whose final cheque bounced. Sort it, West Ham.

Best bit:
Alex, to two scalls: 'Do you like this jumper?'
Scalls: 'Not really.'

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