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| Lists |
Back to the well in a little feature I like to call: Pitched ideas that may or may not have been picked up by magazines a few years ago.
It's a rich vein of material and no mistake, if this sizzling stack of lists sent to the now defunct and much-missed Jack magazine is any guide.
Not sure how many they used but these would have been done in about 2004 and give a fair insight in to the mind of the 30-something male of the day.
I'd not long given up smoking and had recently rekindled a rampant love affair with chocolate (oh! Smarties bars and loneliness...)
And don't forget, Eccles Cake or Egg Custard, while you're here.
Jack Lists
Five National Lampoon’s Vacation things:
- Cousin Vicki: “I'm going steady, and I French kiss.”
Audrey: “So? Everybody does that.”
Cousin Vicki: “Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.”
- Rusty: “Oink Oink, my good man!"
- Rusty: “Dad, I think he’s gonna pork her!”
- Rusty: “So I says to him, I said "Get your own monkey!”
- Cousin Eddie: “I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.”
Clark: “Thanks for the pick me up Eddie.”
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| Ha ha ha! |
Five awful sports brands:
- Troop
- British Knights
- K – Swiss (original five stripes? You’re fooling no one)
- Pony
- Skechers
Five modern crisp classics:
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| Yummo! |
- McCoy’s Thai sweet chicken
- Golden Wonder sausage and tomato
- Rib n’ Saucy Nik Naks
- Bugles – all of them
- Sweet chilli Doritos
Five incredible contemporary confectionery treats
- Kit Kat Kubes
- Mars Delight
- Cornetto love potions
- Peanut Lion bar
- Smarties chocolate bars
Five things you never got for chrimbo:
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| Fucking A |
- Big Trak
- Millenium Falcon
- Diamondback BMX
- TCR
- Battery-powered car you could sit in and drive
Five 70s rockers you won’t admit you like:
- Steely Dan
- Electric Light Orchestra
- The Eagles
- The Doobie Brothers
- Peter Frampton
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| Matt Smith wrote Jet Set Willy |
Five great football teams:
- Everton 1984 – 1987
- Manchester United 1994 – 1999
- Liverpool 1976 – 1984
- Arsenal 1998 – present
- Leeds United 1968 – 1974
Five great Spectrum games:
- Jet Set Willy
- Skooldaze
- Chuckie Egg
- Match Day
- Attic Attack
Five ace words to say:
- Undies
- Trump
- Blubber
- Crud
- Balderdash
10 Gatwick airport things:
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| Roomy |
- Thinking “you’d better be foreign” at Nike Extravago-shod youths
- Departure screens all over the show - but no clock. Anywhere.
- An ill-advised wink at the passport control chap
- A double brandy
- A seven paaanddd brekky
- Yanks trying on flat caps
- The anxiety of a bearded man going through customs
- Stag dos going to Amsterdam, smiling
- Stag dos coming in from Amsterdam, smiling nervously
- Cavernous disabled toilets
