Diary of a squad player, part 10

Smile!

Saturday, 8 January
Wasn't even in the squad again so the commercial staff had me doing a load of hand shakes and photos before the match - kit sponsors and that. Wasn't too bad and I chanced a sneaky pint as I wasn't going to be seeing the boss.
Unfortunately he walked in to meet his agent as I was slurping. Not sure if he spotted me but fuck it, I'm not playing. It cost £3.80! It's only a bit more than that at Infernos and we get our own bit behind a velvet rope there. And blowjobs.

Sunday, 9 January
Watched Man U beat Liverpool on the telly. Christ it was boring. Kenny Dalglish looks like someone's let the air out of him. Never saw him play but he looks good on the youtube clips.

Monday, 10 January
Went down with Ribbsy to the club's main sponsor's new shop. It's a DIY gaff so it stunk of paint and boredom. It was supposed to be a photo for the local paper but no one turned up so they had to get the staff to pretend to be supporters.
Phil the press officer kept apologising and sweating but we weren't arsed. It was either that or going to the hospital again, and seeing those sick kids is just depressing. They should mix the wards up a bit so all the really bad cases - the bald girls and the ones with tubes sticking out of them - aren't together.

Diary of a squad player, 2

Dance, dance, dance

Wednesday, 24 November
Infernos was ace last night, although someone spilt Drambuie down me G-Star top so that was annoying. Dabbsy went home with his sort of groupie (some bird who always seems to pop up when we're out). Ribbsy and me left early to get in a few hours on Call of Duty: Black Ops. I got shot to fuck by some Yanks. Ribbsy fell asleep with chips in his hair, the dirty tramp. Me mum came round to clean up though - result!
Watched Cash in the Attic and Homes Under the Hammer on Sky+. I wonder how old Lucy Alexander is? I don't think I could have a wank about someone who's older than me mum. She looks like she'd be proper filth - not me mum, although Stevo says he would - but also really nice the next day. Fluffy towels and a good brekky - none of that 'JUST GET OUT!' and sobbing while I'm looking for me undies.
Watched I'm a Celebrity... Voted for McKeith twice - what a wanker. Me dad said he wouldn't use her to wipe up sick, which I think is a bit strong, but I know what he means.
A face like that you'd think she'd try and be nice but she won't even make the effort. Like when Dubbsy wouldn't play along when I was telling this bird who works behind the bar at Rumours I was getting a move to Liverpool. I know she was impressed because I saw her mouth the word 'nodder' to her mate.

Previously:
Part 1