Hats off to... Jack Klompus

All right-thinking people agree Seinfeld is the best telly programme ever - better even than that elephant pooing on Blue Peter.
As well as the excellent main cast - Jerry Seinfeld (himself), Jason Alexander (George Costanza), Julia Luis Dreyfus (Elaine Benes) and Michael Richards (Cosmo Kramer) - there are some brilliant support parts.

Do me a personal favour!

The best of a superb bunch are Jerry's parents Morty and Helen (played by the late Barney Martin and Liz Sheridan) and George's parents Frank and Estelle (Jerry Stiller and Estelle Harris). Which is where Jack Klompus comes in.
Jack is Morty's nemesis (actually he has two, Frank Costanza is the other) at the Del Boca Vista retirement community in Florida. And he is part of what makes sitting down to a bit of the Seinfeld box sets a real luxury.
The character is brilliant - a petty, old nark - and the acting (Seinfeld excepted, which is part of the gag) is absolutely top drawer.
Played superbly by the late Sandy Baron, Jack made his first appearance in 1991's The Pen (1991) and pretty much stole the show with that 'take the pen!' bit.
He also appeared in The Raincoats (1994), The Cadillac (1996) and The Money (1997) and played some of, for me, the show's best scenes, especially when on screen with Morty. When those two were together the petty tensions that come from a lifetime of being friends, but horribly competitive with it, came roaring out.
Enough yack, there's a dearth of Jack bits on YouTube but here's the bit I'm on about from The Pen. 

happy festivus!

Yes, yes, yes, NO

It's Gore-Tex - you know about Gore-Tex?

I was awoken this morn by the sound of rain thrashing my bedroom window, and the usual demands of an angry morning bladder. But it was the rain that filled me with joy - a chance to wear my ace Adidas Tokio Hi shoes. I got these a few months ago off ebay (I don't think they're in the shops any more).

They're a solid, smart piece of kit - really comfortable and, thanks to the goretex uppers, totally waterproof - with just a hint of Back to the Future. There's even a webbed bit at the top of the tongue to keep water from sneaking in at the top of the laces. So it's all good. Except. Ex-cept the soles - they slip in the wet.

This seems a monumental error in a pair of shoes whose main selling point is keeping water at bay. I've nearly gone on my arse both times I've worn these and that is not a good look for a man of my years, and girth. Hopefully the sole will wear down a bit in time, but even so, it's a fair balls up for something that had an RRP of over £100. And I have still to traverse the journey home.

The offending sole

Top five Seinfeld moments (this list is negotiable)

Mr Bookman, library cop

'You're Batman'

Kramer - Gonorrhea!

You don't know what the hell you're doing!

'I got a lot of grievances with you people!'