How many lists make five? A list, a list, a list and a half...

Lists

Back to the well in a little feature I like to call: Pitched ideas that may or may not have been picked up by magazines a few years ago. 

It's a rich vein of material and no mistake, if this sizzling stack of lists sent to the now defunct and much-missed Jack magazine is any guide. 

Not sure how many they used but these would have been done in about 2004 and give a fair insight in to the mind of the 30-something male of the day. 

I'd not long given up smoking and had recently rekindled a rampant love affair with chocolate (oh! Smarties bars and loneliness...) 

And don't forget, Eccles Cake or Egg Custard, while you're here.

Jack Lists

 Five National Lampoon’s Vacation things:

• Cousin Vicki: “I'm going steady, and I French kiss.”
  Audrey: “So? Everybody does that.”
  Cousin Vicki: “Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.”

• Rusty: “Oink Oink, my good man!"

• Rusty: “Dad, I think he’s gonna pork her!”

• Rusty: “So I says to him, I said "Get your own monkey!”

• Cousin Eddie: “I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.”

          Clark: “Thanks for the pick me up Eddie.”

Ha ha ha!

 Five awful sports brands:

• Troop
• British Knights
• K – Swiss (original five stripes? You’re fooling no one)
• Pony
• Skechers

 Five modern crisp classics:

Yummo!

• McCoy’s Thai sweet chicken
• Golden Wonder sausage and tomato
• Rib n’ Saucy Nik Naks
• Bugles – all of them
• Sweet chilli Doritos

 Five incredible contemporary confectionery treats

• Kit Kat Kubes
• Mars Delight
• Cornetto love potions
• Peanut Lion bar
• Smarties chocolate bars

 Five things you never got for chrimbo:

Fucking  A

• Big Trak
• Millenium Falcon
• Diamondback BMX
• TCR
• Battery-powered car you could sit in and drive

Five 70s rockers you won’t admit you like:

• Steely Dan
• Electric Light Orchestra
• The Eagles
• The Doobie Brothers
• Peter Frampton

Matt Smith wrote Jet Set Willy 

Five great football teams:

• Everton 1984 – 1987
• Manchester United 1994 – 1999
• Liverpool 1976 – 1984
• Arsenal 1998 – present
• Leeds United 1968 – 1974

Five great Spectrum games:

• Jet Set Willy
• Skooldaze
• Chuckie Egg
• Match Day
• Attic Attack

Five ace words to say:

• Undies
• Trump
• Blubber
• Crud
• Balderdash

10 Gatwick airport things:

Roomy

• Thinking “you’d better be foreign” at Nike Extravago-shod youths
• Departure screens all over the show - but no clock. Anywhere.
• An ill-advised wink at the passport control chap
• A double brandy
• A seven paaanddd brekky
• Yanks trying on flat caps
• The anxiety of a bearded man going through customs
• Stag dos going to Amsterdam, smiling
• Stag dos coming in from Amsterdam, smiling nervously
• Cavernous disabled toilets

My fave jacket

Reading Keith Wildman's excellent 'top 14 jackets' story on Sabotagetimes nudged me to mention my fave. I've got a fair few coats but for look, fit, gadgetry and all-round aceness it has to be the Paul & Shark iPod jacket which I got a couple of years ago off Italian ebay for about £170 (brand new like - I'm not a meff).
Mine's dark grey and, I think, a sample so that bit rarer, at least I've never seen another one. It's a large - all P&S samples are large - but, unlike say CP Company, it's a decent large, for the fuller-figured gent.
I think part of what I like about it is that the colour, along with the iPod control panel on the sleeve (pictured below, top), allows me to pretend I'm a cyborg when in reality I'm sitting on the bus with a bag of food from the 'whoops!' aisle, fending off south London's most wretched.
The iPod goes in a zip-up padded pouch (below, middle) on the inside, from which the earphones come out through a small hole in the top. The iPod plugs into a little box which does some kind of magic and the panel on the sleeves features a stitched button for each of the ipod controls, although they can be hit and miss, and frequently don't work at all. I sent it back to the P&S lab (that's what they call it) but they found no fault so I assume it's just temperamental. Although what was cutting edge two or three years ago is now out of date as it's not really compatible with the iPod touch or iPhone. How fast things move on - I remember five or six years ago passing a mate my new iPod in the pub and telling him to hold it under the table to look at it, lest it be taxed by envious have-nots.

But even with lessened gadgetry this is still a smart piece of kit and typical of the better stuff P&S do - ie the items that don't have writing all over them. It's waterproof, with taped seams, lined and pretty lightweight, and pockets up the wazoo - an essential feature for a fave jacket.