Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Eccles cake or egg custard?

An Eccles cake
An egg custard (pen not included)
Yonks ago I had this ace idea for a running magazine feature called Eccles Cake or Egg Custard? Basically it involved ringing round celebrities - and this was when the tag was earned as opposed to being a lazy-arse job description - asking them which of these wonderful treats they preferred.
The results would then be printed verbatim. None of the mags I approached - including the Loaded, the FHM and the Sunday Times one - went for it, even though I'd already done a few to get the ball rolling, reproduced below:

Ditherer
Richard Whiteley
Biff: Hi Richard, my name's Biff and I'm calling from **** magazine. Which do you prefer, Eccles cake or egg custard?

Richard Whiteley: Oh, egg custard. Definitely. Although there's a lot to be said for an Eccles cake. All that flaky pastry and currants. Mmmm! Can I change my mind? I'm going for Eccles cake.

Biff: Are you sure? Mike Reid went for egg custard.

RW: Oh Mike!

Decisive Brett
Brett Anderson from Suede
Biff: Hi Brett,  my name's Biff and I'm calling from **** magazine. Which do you prefer, Eccles cake or egg custard?

Brett: Eccles cake.

Biff: Cheers Brett.

Brett: You're welcome.

Get the kettle on Steve!
Keith Burkinshaw
Biff: Hi Keith,  my name's Biff and I'm calling from **** magazine. Which do you prefer, Eccles cake or egg custard?


Keith: Egg bloody custard. *hangs up*

Steve Harris from Iron Maiden
Biff: Hi Steve,  my name's Biff and I'm calling from **** magazine. Which do you prefer, Eccles cake or egg custard?


Steve: Ooh, now you're asking incha? Can I say both?

Biff: No. It's like a war. You have to take sides.

Steve: Hmm, I suppose it depends on circumstance. If I'm having a brew, then probably the Eccles cake, but if I'm out and about, the egg custard. Because that's easier to eat on the hoof.

Biff: Well, where are you now?

Steve: At home.

Biff: Have you got a brew on the go?

Steve: No, but I've got Wolfsbane coming round in a bit to put some shelves up so I'll probably put the kettle on.

Biff: So are we saying Eccles cake?

Steve: I think we are!


(Next time: Rock's greatest moustaches)

(I think the Richard Whitely pic is in the public domain - if it isn't a thousand apologies. I'll remove if it offends)

4 comments:

  1. W000 I LIKE EGG CUSTARD TARTS!!!!

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  2. Eccles cake, but only when it's made by my nan. She makes the pastry and all. Imagine.

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  3. grandmama deptford dame sounds a formiddable woman but has she made a has brown THE SIZE OF A PLATE(isg)? comme ca http://biffbifferson.blogspot.com/2011/02/day-i-made-my-own-hash-brown-only-one.html

    (comme ca possibly used and spelt wrong there but im pretty drunk. hey, high five!)

    ReplyDelete
  4. man that isnt even a link. for cruds sake gogle, cant you do anything right?

    ReplyDelete