Monday, 20 December 2010

Apprentice final - it's Stella, but what a ride

I've been there!
The final chapter begins with Stella and Chris heading off to the Langham hotel in London - I've been there! (It's very choice, but you can normally nip in and use the lav without being hassled) - but do they have to take two cars?
I wonder if they'll get the rest of them back to help. Oh they do. I'd forgotten what an ugly bunch they are. Quite hideous. Ha! The Australian one gets picked last - stitch that. Oh how she squirms like the fat kid at football who one team gets stuck with. Well look at me now!
They have to create a new drink and advertising campaign, then pitch it to industry types, and all in three days.
As the man says, giggidy-giggidy-goo.
Both Chris and Stella lie and say it's good to see the other idiots back. It isn't, they're horrible.
Anyway the mightiest minds get together and come up with...
Pomegranete rum? That's what Chris is going for - the idiot! Stella seems to want to go for a blue drink - equally stupid as the booze experts tell her.
But will her urban bourbon (Urbon) do the trick? Well it looks better than the pink goo Liz has got for Chris. So to speak.
Chris, Jamie and that one who looks like Penfold are the stupidest looking crew you can get and their advert idea that some lad gets a girl leathered on their drink so he gets his end away gets smashed down by the ad people.
The bottles turn up and Chris's looks like a metronome - how the fart do you pour it? - but he and his dimwits seem made up with it. Oh yes, it's called Prism. At least Stella's is recognisably a bottle of booze.
At the ad shoot Chris has a bartender scooping pomegranete into a glass - it looks moronic - while Stella's sussed that getting women asking for the drink in her ad is the way to go, and she seems to be miles ahead.
Chris's ad looks awful - a load of hoorays being tits - where did he get the idea from? And this is the difference between the two finalists - Stella's streetwise and smart whereas Chris is just businesslike. She's been the clear winner for weeks now and if she hadn't won there would have been a stewards'.
When it comes to the pitches, before a crowd of booze execs or something, Chris declares he's after people who drink at home or when they're out. Brilliant. As he blathers on about the public's demand for more rum-based cocktails, one consumer sips it and looks like he's tasted chilled vomit. The ad is awful, it doesn't show anyone drinking the thing until it's nearly over, but Chris handles the audience's questions well, so it's not a total disaster.
'Urbon, the new way of drinking bourbon,' is Stella's line. But it sounds like someone going 'bubbleubbleubbleubble'. Which could be a problem.
And so they're off to the boardroom for the last time with Stella declaring 'I'm the winner' possibly somewhat prematurely. It might be the editing or maybe that she's so close to the end but she seems more of a shit in this episode.
Sugar is surprised Stella delegated the tasting of her filthy muck, and he's right. For Chris, the colour of his drink got bashed because it was pink, despite Chris asking for clear. His ad is panned but the idea of the drink is clever whereas Stella's bottle of vinegar trips her up, although the booze itself went down well.
Chris and Stella make their final pleas and Chris looks like he's kicked for home at just the right time. It's an impressive performance - delivered while Stella sits there like she's balancing a turd on her top lip - but is it enough?
'Everything I want I always get,' Stella insists but it's the first time in the series she's looked worried. She needn't be as, just as it looked Chris had done it, Stella gets the nod. Leaving Chris sobbing into his best Next suit.
Then it's on to the You're Hired programme which this week is hosted by Morph wearing Dara O'Brien's suit.

Fuck off Stuart
From the future
Fliam flam
Touch of drudge
So long Sandeesh!
Fuck off Alex
Episode 5-fear-and-loathing in M17

No comments:

Post a Comment