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| A graffiti |
This week the teams are doing good old cockernee tours of olde Landahn taahhhhnnn. And it's got to be said, Stuart has really found his look in the red blazer, peaked hat combo - a Blakey for the iPad generation.
And he's boxing proper dirty this week, announcing to Liz that they can 'neutralise' any customers the other lot get by nicking them on the way to the bus. Oooh, he's a rotter!
Okay so that's the previews out the way, so what happened? Well, Jamie takes a massive group on a murder tour, which after several wrong turns ends up in Clapton. He's forced to offer Joanne as a gift to the village elders to ensure safe passage.
Meanwhile Stella draws a massive cock 'n' balls (like this one) to calm an angry crowd after she can't find enough 'Banksys and that' on her graffiti tour. The strange hypnotic strokes of her aerosol can have the desired effect - with the added bonus of distracting irate commuters as another bus refuses to stop. And lo a new art movement is born! Liz continues to flit about turning all who gaze on her to jelly. Chris's pied piper attempts with the bassoon fail miserably.
So it's to the boardroom where Sugar turns his guns squarely on 21-year-old bed wetting warm-milk-and-shreddies-fan Stuart.
'Admit it, you're a cunt!' he bellows, pounding his fists again and again on the glass table as Karen Brady tries to hold him back. 'Let him get it out of his system,' Nick urges, by simply bowing his head half a degree.
'I'm here to win!' Stuart roars back, ignoring the question. 'You need me! If I go you're left with two estate agents, and the potential for a hugely lopsided lesbian adventure!'
Sugar turns to Jamie. He spits full in his face. Jamie just takes it, the gob dripping in his eye, down over his lips. He can't speak. Chris offers a hanky but pulls it away at the last second, leaving Jamie exposed and alone. 'Wanker,' he cries under his breath.
Karen is sobbing uncontrollably now, she looks in to the camera. 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry - Birmingham City, please take me back! Carson! Carson! I can change! The Davids made me do this! The Davids! The Davids!'
Nick slaps her across the face before turning to Sugar. The turmoil etched across his expertly whittled features. Sugar looks at them both. 'What have we become?' he hisses.
Stella stands up. 'You have no right...' she starts, but Chris pulls her back down. A struggle ensues, they kiss. Joanna bellows at Nick. 'I want a sausage, I want a curry and I want paprika!' she screams, again and again as The Apprentice 'dum de dum de dum de dum' tune blares through the room.
Sugar stands - he's wearing 'juicy couture' tracky kecks! He looks at Stu.'You're fired!' he shouts. Then the rest of them.'You're fired!' Again. 'You're fired!' Again and again. Chris and Stella are still kissing.
Security come and drag Sugar out of there and baton charge the contestants, who are led into the people carrier for debriefing. Karen lies in the corner, whispering 'The Davids,' over and over again.
Best bit:
The gobbing. Defo
Quality read.
ReplyDeleteI hope you,re right, about Nick laying the smackdown...