In the Apprentice batcave the phone goes at 5.30am - a time which works best in theory - and they're told to be ready in 30 minutes.
No way did they have time for showering, getting dressed and brekky - so who missed what? Stuart defo swerves a shower as a matter of course. Although lads do sweat less when their balls haven't dropped yet so that's not too awful. Bet he doesn't wipe his arse properly if he hears Working Lunch starting though, and that is not cool.
Anyway this week they have to buy 10 items in 10 hours, whoever spends least wins. It's lads versus lasses and we're off!
Jamie's in charge of the chaps. My word he's got kissable lips. Not sure who's in charge of the women because I was watching this after it was linked on Twitter. It's probably Stella. Oh no, it's Liz.
First stop for the girls is a cabby training gaff for a blue book, which is something to do with the knowledge. Liz and Joanna get it for £50.You know what? This is a really stupid quest and I'm not writing any more until they get to the boardroom...
... And we're back. The lads get back on time after a bit of a run which leaves Stuart panting like an asthmatic having a wank in a bin bag. Liz and Joanna get back late but get all 10 items. Between them the lads got seven. So is Jamie, who only got two, going home? Nope, incredibly and despite being 'fined' for the three they never got, the lads still came out on top.
The girls were a bit cocky here, and now one of them's getting it up the arse. So to speak. In a change, Sugar sends them home to reflect on their abject failure. Possibly in a great big lez-bath.
The next day the catfight begins. Or rather it doesn't as once again things don't ignite, but Joanna skates so it's Laura, Stella and Liz up for the chop. It can't be the project manager again, can it?
Christ Laura's horrible, she says things like 'if I'm honest' and 'I'm just saying' - when 'erm' or silence will do. There's nothing to choose between these three, but Stella and Liz seem to be slightly stronger.
Stella's 'corporate' reputation goes against her a bit and it looks like she's for the chop. But Sugar sells a HORRENDOUS dummy when he points the gun at Stella before switching to Laura.
'I don't know whether I need corporate-style people, and for that reason...' he says to Stella, who closes her eyes waiting for the inevitable. Before Sugar continues '...I'm going to move on to you Laura. On balance I think we're at the end of the road.' She pleads for one more chance in a slightly pathetic final roll of the dice, but it's too late.
If ever you needed proof that this is just a telly programme and not, as Karen Brady says, about finding someone to work for Sugar this was it. It was horrendously staged, clumsy and more than a little ridiculous.
Laura: 'I'm bored of talking about the truffles.'
Touch of drudge
So long Sandeesh!
Fuck off Alex
Episode 5-fear-and-loathing in M17