|Revellers on Tottenham Boulevard|
If Spurs become preferred bidders, with a decision expected on Friday, Tottenham will be gone. Like Atlantis.
A club source said: 'The N17 postcode will mainly be used as a stroller park for the three-wheeler baby buggies of nearby Stoke Newington.
You get a better class of idiot in 'Stokey' and the space will help accommodate the overspill of vegan wrap joints, Indonesian coffee treehouses, and "lesbians".'
A Haringey council spokesman said: 'Obviously this is a controversial move but in terms of regeneration it's a god-send - a blank canvas. We can finally put some much-needed Tesco stores in and a few of those coffee chains everyone else has. Tottenham's had its chance but things haven't worked out. And frankly, it stinks.'